Grief Counseling for Children: When Is It Needed?

Many helping professionals work closely with families that experience grief. While adults who have lost a partner or child may express their grief more directly and have resources to help, children can present a totally different situation. Not all professionals are fully aware of the the grieving process, its differences across ages, and need to learn more about grief counseling.

How can social workers, teachers, pastors, guidance counselors, psychologists, and others help the child who has lost a parent or a sibling or other relative or a friend? Even the loss of a pet may provoke significant grief in some children.

First it is important to distinguish between normal grief symptoms and those which should be taken as warning signs that more intervention is required.

These are the normal, temporary symptoms that gradually improve over time:

· Bedwetting by a child who was already potty-trained

· Thumbsucking

· Crying and whining

· Clinging to familiar adults

· Decrease in ability to concentrate

· Mood swings

· Noticeable changes in sleeping and eating habits

· Hyperactivity, tantrums, unusual aggressive behavior

· Misbehavior in class

· Drop in grades at school

When further interventions are needed, it is important that the parents (if living) attend at least some of the sessions with the child. The counselor or therapist can help the parent communicate to the child that, despite his or her own grief, that the child is still loved and is not alone. It is also important to resolve any thoughts the child may harbor that she or he is in some way responsible for the death.

The helper may also provide other opportunities for a child to process their grief. Support groups and even books have had some beneficial effects. (One highly recommended book, by the way, is Tear Soup, a very readable fable about grief for both children and adults.)

With appropriate interventions, children are able to express their emotions and develop the resilience that they need to move forward in their lives despite loss.

Social workers, counselors, pastors, psychologists, and others, who want to improve their ability to be more than just a listening ear (which is of course important as well) can avail themselves of bereavement counseling or grief therapy training. Training may be provide either through traditional classrooms or virtually from distance learning providers. Some also provide certificates that demonstrate a professional commitment to grief counseling.